Random Twilight Madness
by Death Cake
Summary: Title is self explanatory folks.


Hey all. Sorry I haven't updated Gifted in a while. Things just been busy lately. Toooo here is a lil sumtin sumtin to keep you goin~ Love to all~ 3 WARNING: Contains extreme randomness (almost disturbingly so), OOC characters, and just general chaos. Enjoi~

Bella: I like chickens!

Edward: I'M EDDIE!

Bella: I LIKE CHICKENS, EDDIE!

Edward: No! Call me Babaloo~

Bella: Babboon?

Edward: Babaloo.

Bella: Balloon?

Edward: BA-BA-BA-BAAABAAALOOOOOOOOOOOO~

Bella: I pooted.

Edward: Your farts! They smell like anchovies rolling a field of flowers~

Bella: Huzzah!

Both: *has sex*

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Edward: Will you butter my muffin?

Bella: What?

Edward: My muffin needs buttering.

Bella: Can't you butter it?

Edward: NO! Butter my muffin.

Bella: Do it yourself!

Edward: Open my can.

Bella: What?

Edward: Frost my cake.

Bella: . . .

Edward: Make my banana cream.

Bella: . . . . . .

Edward: Please?

Bella: FINE!

Both: *get their muffins buttered*

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Bella: I LOVE YOU.

Jacob: I LOVE YOU TOO.

Bella: LET'S HAVE LITTLE WOLF BABIES.

Jacob: WE CAN'T.

Bella: WHY.

Jacob: I AM NEUTERED.

Bella: *SHOCK*

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Jacob: MOO!

Bella: What?

Jacob: MOOOOOOO~

Bella: Dude, what the fuck are you doing?

Jacob: Pretending to be a cow, you retard. What does it LOOK like I'm doing?

Bella: WHAT DID YOU CALL ME!?

Jacob: A retard.

Bella: Oh. Okay.

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Jasper: I can feel it~

Alice: What?

Jasper: Coming in the air tonight~

Alice: What what?

Jasper: Oh lord~

Alice: In the butt?

Jasper: I've been waiting~

Alice: For pie?

Jasper: For this moment all my life~

Alice: FOR PIE!?

Jasper: Oh lord~

Alice: COME ON!

Jasper: Can you feel it~

Alice: Oh baby~

Jasper: Coming in the air tonight~

Alice: NOT IN MY FACE!

Jasper: Oh lord~ Oh lord~

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Bella: Let's go swimming!

Edward: IN THE REFRIGERATOR!?

Bella: No~ I can't. I have a curse.

Edward: NO WAI!?

Bella: Yes. The curse. . . of love~

Edward: I CAN FIX IT.

Bella: No.

Edward: Yes.

Bella: No.

Edward: Yes.

Bella: No.

Edward: Yes.

Emmett: COOKIES FOR TEH WINZ!

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Rosalie: You know that one song?

Alice: What song?

Rosalie: It's in like, Japanese. . .

Bella: What's it sound like?

Rosalie: Like. . . "Fly fly camel pie!"

Alice: Camels?

Bella: Pies?

Rosalie: No. Camel pies. There's a difference.

Alice: . . .

Bella: . . .

Rosalie: . . .

All: CAMEL PIES FOR TEH WINZ!

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Jacob: I'm so bad ass.

Random Werewolf Character Insert (Who we shall call Dante): I'm bad asser.

Jacob: Says who?

Dante: Says me.

Jacob: Couldn't be!

Dante: Then who?

Jacob: . . .

Dante: . . .

Both: *has gay wolf smex*

----------

Edward: Will you butter my muff--

Bella: SHUT UP!

Edward: . . .

Bella: . . .

Both: *butter their muffins. . . again. . .*

----------

Emmett: Why am I so unloved that I only showed up once until now?

Rosalie: Because you're an idiot.

Emmett: Says the bitch.

Rosalie: Says the retard.

Emmett: Says the whore.

Rosalie: Says the bed-wetter.

Emmett: . . .

Rosalie: That's right. I know.

Emmett: . . . How long. . .

Rosalie: What?

Emmett: How long!?

Rosalie: How long what?

Emmett: How long have you known!?!?

Rosalie: Known what???

Emmett: . . .

Rosalie: . . .

Emmett: Monkey butt. . .

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Edward: What are you doing?

Jacob: Air humping.

Edward: Why?

Jacob: Because.

Edward: Because why?

Jacob: Just because!

Edward: Just because w--

Jacob: JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO!

Edward: . . .

Jacob: . . .

Edward: . . .

Jacob: . . .

Edward: Weellll. . .

Jacob: . . .

Edward: Do you mean just because or because you want to?

Chowder: THAT'S MY LINE!

----------

Victoria: Why are we here?

James: Who knows. I'm supposed to be dead.

Laurent: We all ah mon.

James: Why do you have a jamaican accent?

Laurent: I dun no mon. I tink I sick.

Victoria: Yeah. . .

James: In the head. . .

Laurent: . . .A'IGHT BRUDDUH!

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Bella: I am a magical chicken!

Jacob: Says who?

Bella: Says yayme2012 on .

Jacob: Oh. . .

Bella: Yes. She is awesome. . .

Jacob: She is my inspiration. . .

Bella: She's funny. . .

Jacob: I only read about half of her "Bad Fanfiction" Twilight stuff. . .

Bella: But she made me laugh. . .

Jacob: And want to write funny stuff. . .

Bella: Go look at her stuff if you haven't already. . .

Jacob: Or I'ma eat joo. . .

Bella: This message has been brought to you by. . .

Jacob: The letter "O". . .

----------

Mike: No one likes me.

Eric: I know someone likes me.

Mike: Who?

Eric: The writer.

Mike: Why?

Eric: Because even though I am a side character, for some reason she is just attracted to me.

Mike: What about me?

Eric: She hates you.

Mike: . . .

Eric: I'm in her top five.

Mike: Who are the others?

Eric: First place is tied between Carlisle and Jasper, second place is Alice, third is Jacob, fourth is. . .

Mike: Who's fourth?

Eric: I forgot. . .

Mike: Where are you on the list.

Eric: Last place at the fifth spot.

Mike: HAH.

Eric: At least I'm ON the list. . .

Mike: . . .

----------

Bella: AYE BEE SEE DEE EEE EPH JEE

Edward: AYCH AI JAY KAY EL EM EN OO PEE

Bella: KYU ARR ESS

Edward: TEE YOO VEE

Bella: DUBLYOO EXS

Edward: WAI ZEE

Bella: NAO AI NO MAI AYE BEE SEES

Edward: NEKST TYM WONT YOO SING WITH MEE

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Alice: She's running out of things to say. . .

Rosalie: She's running out of things to say. . .

Alice: . . .

Rosalie: . . .

Both: PUDDING!

----------

Eric: NOW I remember who was in fourth place!

Mike: Who?

Eric: It was Victoria.

Mike: Why her!?

Victoria: Because I have amazingly beautiful and wild hair and, despite what the book said about Rosalie being as beautiful as a supermodel, she found Rosalie to be a rather ugly little bitch in the movie and considered me to be far more beautiful.

Eric: . . .

Mike: . . .

Victoria: *poofs into a bat and flies off into the night*

----------

Mike: You look nothing like a yorkie. . .

Eric: . . .

Mike: . . .

Eric: My real name isn't Eric Yorkie, you know.

Mike: What is it then?

Eric: Justin--

Mike: TIMBERLAKE!?

Eric: . . .

Mike: I'm bringin' sexy back~

Eric: . . . . . .

Mike: Them other boys don't know how to act~

Eric: . . . . . . . . .

Mike: I think it's special what's behind your back~

Eric: . . . . . . . . . . . .

Mike: So turn around and I'll pick up the slack~

Eric: . . . I just died a little inside. . .

----------

Aro: OH MY GOD I FINALLY GET AN APPEARANCE!

Caius: Me too!

Marcus: . . .

Aro: Marcus~

Caius: Marcus~

Marcus: . . .

Aro: We love you, Marcus!

Caius: Don't be emo, Marcus!

Marcus: . . .

Aro: Don't get mad. . .

Caius: GET GLAD!

Marcus: . . . *facepalms*

----------

Felix: She seems to favor the side characters more than the main characters.

Dimitri: Yeah I-- *gets interupted when the writer has to go answer the phone*

Felix: . . .

Dimitri: . . .

5 Minutes Later. . .

Felix: . . .

Dimitri: . . . *waits for her to hang up* Anyway. I. . . . .

Felix: . . . What?

Dimitri: I FORGOT WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY!

Felix: DAMMIT!

----------

Mike: Dirty babe~

Eric: . . .

Mike: You see these shackles? Baby I'm you're slave~

Eric: . . .

Mike: I'll let you whip me if I misbehave~

Eric: . . .

Mike: It's just that no one makes me feel this way~

Eric: . . . Someone. . . please shoot me. . .

----------

Rosalie: FLY FLY

Alice: CAMEL PIE

Bella: . . .

Rosalie & Alice: FLY FLY CAMEL PIE~

----------

Jacob: WHO WEARS SHORT SHORTS!?

Edward: I WEAR SHORT SHORTS!

Bella: WOOT!

----------

Emmett: I wanna be the very best~

Alice: Oh god.

Emmett: Like no one ever was~

Edward: Someone stop him.

Emmett: To catch them is my real test~

Rosalie: Emmett shut up!

Emmett: To train them is my cause~

Jasper: GOOD LORD SAVE US!

Emmett: I will travel across the land~

Carlisle: Not again!

Emmett: Searching far and wide~

Esme: Emmett dear. Please shut u--

Emmett: THESE POKEMON TO UNDERSTAND~

Bella: He's singing louder! Someone! Stop him!!

Emmett: THE POWER THAT'S INSIDE!!!

Everyone: *pins Emmett down and stuffs his mouth with a sock*

----------

Naruto: Why are we here?

Sasuke: Because the writer is an idiot and got her crap mixed up. . .

Sakura: Yeah, Sasuke! OMG Sasuke! Lyk Saskay!

Naruto: WHY IS IT ALWAYS SASUKE!?

Sasuke: . . .

Sakura: OMG SASKAY! SASKAY! LIKE OMFGLOLWTFBBQ!!1! SASKAY! SASKAY! OMG ILU SAS!

Naruto: . . .

Sasuke: . . .

Sakura: *head blows up and dies*

Naruto: Huzzah!

Sasuke: Huzzah!

Both: *makes out*

Twilight Characters: . . . . . . . . . .


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